‏ 1 Corinthians 7:1-9

Husband and Wife

1Cor 7:1. This chapter is directly connected with the last verses of chapter 6. There it is clarified that sexual intercourse outside marriage is fornication. But how are you supposed to practice marriage then? The Corinthians had put their questions in writing to the apostle Paul. In this chapter he responds to these questions in detail.

Sometimes people say that Paul had no right to speak about that because he was unmarried. Such people understand nothing of the special function Paul received from God. Paul was the man whom God entrusted with a special service. Especially the unity that exists between Christ and the church is something that he had gotten as a task to pass on to the church. This unity is compared with marriage. The husband is supposed to present Christ and the wife is supposed to present the church. In Ephesians 5 you can read about that (Eph 5:22-33).

The comparison with Christ and the church in relation to husband and wife is not presented in 1 Corinthians. Nevertheless it will be clear that Paul is exactly the one who could make practical remarks about the relation between husband and wife because he knew the relationship between Christ and the church so well. That’s why he wanted to make sure that the intercourse in marriages between the spouses becomes more and more like the great example.

Before he starts to write about it, he first says in 1Cor 7:1 that it is good for a man not to touch a woman. By saying it in this way, it seems that he is against marriage.

1Cor 7:2. And when he says in this verse that because of sexual immoralities each man should have his own wife, that seems not quite a lofty motive. It looks like a necessary evil. However, when you read this chapter to the end, you see that he fully recognizes marriage and that he underlines how important marital faithfulness is.

Why then does he speak like that? It is because in this chapter he sees marriage as something temporary. In heaven there is no marriage and no one will be given in marriage. This is what the Lord Jesus says in Matthew 22 (Mt 22:30). Its validity is only for the time that someone lives on earth. To experience it properly, you ought not only to know the privileges of marriage, but also the responsibilities. It is quite a big responsibility to be married. When you are married, there is a lot expected from you by your spouse. You need to spend time on your marriage. When you are not married, you can spend your time in another way. Not of course for yourself, but for the Lord. Well then, from this side Paul looks at marriage here.

I want to emphasize one more time that marriage is a beautiful picture of Christ and the church. When God introduced marriage, He thought of this. Nevertheless, as it is said, the side which this chapter shows, is the side of spending time. Paul is not outbalanced in his presentation of marriage. You will see that there is a balance in the way he presents the responsibilities that are involved in a marriage.

When he says that it is good for a man not to touch a woman, he means that it is good to remain unmarried to be totally free to work for the Lord (1Cor 7:26; 32). He doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t shake hands with a woman.

Nonetheless, it is appropriate to warn against being too intimate with someone of the opposite sex. Be careful with hugging and kissing of, or to be hugged or kissed by, someone of the opposite sex. Marital problems can arise from that. Jealousy quickly plays a role when being too amicable. After all, the apostle himself is saying here that because of the danger of fornications each man should have his own wife, and the other way around, each woman should have her own husband.

1Cor 7:3-4. Being married means that a husband has obligations toward his wife and a wife toward her husband. It is about rendering affection that is due to each other. In a marriage, husband and wife have surrendered themselves to each other. Neither of them has authority over their own body. It is not a matter of giving and taking, but of giving. The context makes it clear here that the main issue is to fulfill the sexual needs of the other person.

Sexual needs are nothing to be ashamed of; they are given by God in the creation. Only, they must be satisfied in the area God gave for them and that is within marriage. In marriage husband and wife may enjoy each other’s body. The sexual intercourse is the crowning of it. God also gave sexual intercourse with a view to beget children. So it has a double function. Because of the random use of all kinds of artificial contraceptives, a separation is made in this double function.

In 1 Peter 3 it is written that husbands should live with understanding with their wives (1Pet 3:7). That embraces the total intercourse with the wife of course, including the sexual intercourse. A husband should get understanding of his wife. She is actually created much differently by God. How much understanding he has of his wife in this view, appears from the fact of how much self-control he has. Because of the fact that people can get certain preventive products easily, the exercises to practice self-control have been reduced.

And one more thing: if we have put everything regarding our life in the hand of the Lord, wouldn’t we then entrust Him with this matter as well? He, who wants to learn to know the will of the Lord in this, will not be disappointed by Him. You can find His instructions in many sections in the Bible, like the chapter you have before you right now.

1Cor 7:5. Does a husband or wife always have to give in to the other? No. Under three conditions it is permitted to deprive each other:

1. when they both agree,

2. the time of abstinence is not too long and

3. the purpose is to devote oneself to prayer.

There are things that could happen in the life of believers, for which they see no solution. The only way that remains open, is to entirely focus on God and to ask Him for a way out. In such cases it is good to voluntarily say ‘no’ for a certain time, regarding the satisfaction of the bodily needs. The apostle is very down-to-earth and says that after that they should come together again, otherwise satan could seize the opportunity to tempt them to commit fornication. After all, the needs are there.

1Cor 7:6. What Paul is saying here, is no command. He is proposing it, as it were, as an advice. It is not good to assume without thinking and praying about it, that God will just lead our way. Then there will be no exercise anymore in the presence of the Lord about how to discern what to do in certain cases. You see how practical the instructions are.

1Cor 7:7. Paul wished that all men were even as himself, so unmarried. He says that because he sees how much work there is to be done for the Lord. At the same time he acknowledges that a special gift is needed from God to remain unmarried. Normally it happens that a man receives a wife and a woman receives a husband. After all, God Himself said: “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). And that is a gift from God as well, for “each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner [to remain unmarried] and another in that [to marry]”.

Now read 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 again.

Reflection: Are you married? Explore how far your marriage could be more enriched by these verses.

Are you not married? What about your desires for a wife/husband:

Is it dominating everything; or

is it a healthy desire, you bring in prayer to the Lord, while you serve the Lord heartily; or

do you think you are able to remain unmarried to live fully for the Lord, without having any worries regarding a husband/wife?

Three Groups

Three groups of people are brought to your attention here:

1. “The unmarried and … widows” (1Cor 7:8),

2. “the married” (1Cor 7:10) and

3. “the rest” (1Cor 7:12), those are the mixed marriages, of which only the husband or the wife is a believer.

Paul addresses each of these three groups.

1Cor 7:8. It is good for the unmarried and for the widows to remain unmarried, even as he himself. In this way you don’t have anything to do with taking care of a well running marriage. The time you would have had to spend for that, you could use for the service of the Lord.

1Cor 7:9. Paul, however, really has an eye for the practice. He is aware of the fact that a person may not be able to afford to remain unmarried because of the desires this person might have. You yourself might be wondering whether the Lord wants you to marry or that He wants you to be alone. I also had that question. In my case, the answer came when someone said: ‘If you wish to have a life partner, you can be sure that the Lord wants you to marry. He has put that desire in you.’ This simple answer was the reason for me to stop wondering whether or not to marry. In my view you don’t have to deal with it frenetically.

Then, of course, comes the problem of how to know whom the Lord wants you to marry. For that you ought to continue praying. It might happen that despite your desire for a life partner, you still remain single. That can cause such a big struggle that you even could start to doubt the love of God. I can really understand that, certainly when other people make it pitiable. A chapter like this could be a great encouragement. To God your life has not missed His goal, when a life partner does not appear in your life. Do not let emotions concerning the absence of a partner fill your life, but give all room to Him to fill your life.

I do not want to give the impression to simply set this problem aside with some phrases. That would be very cheap. I only want to indicate a direction in which support for this lack can be found.

1Cor 7:10-11. For the second group, the married, it is said that only death can separate them. Every separation that comes earlier than death, is not permitted. In Malachi 2 it is written that God “hates divorce” (Mal 2:16). There is no reason to think why husband and wife would want to divorce each other. Yes, you may hear about unendurable situations of continuous fights, yelling, drunkenness or extramarital relationship and adultery. And, humanly speaking, it is understandable that the person that has to suffer all this, initiates divorce proceedings. Nevertheless, the Lord Jesus said – and Paul refers to that when he remarks “not I, but the Lord” –: “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mt 19:6). This is a clear command: do not divorce!

Is there really no exception to divorce someone? No, there is not, although some people find an exception in Matthew 19 which, according to them, gives the asked condition (Mt 19:9). That is when one of the spouses has committed fornication. People say that the partner who has committed fornication, has actually broken the marital bond by committing fornication, which means by having sexual intercourse with another person (1Cor 6:16). That argument is not applicable, for sexual intercourse outside marriage doesn’t break a legal marriage any the less as a marriage originates by having sexual intercourse outside marriage.

In case anyone sees Matthew 19:9 as an exception after all, and thinks that he/she could derive a right from that verse, he/she ought to question him/herself if this right is really to be made use of. If someone can work up the courage (I want to express myself as careful as possible in this matter) to drop this right, it would be a triumph of grace to remain faithful to the marital bond in which both of them are connected and which is indissoluble till death.

In some particular cases of divorce, sometimes the excuse is made that in this certain case the marriage was not such that husband and wife were joined by God. Indeed, there are enough cases of people who got married without asking and praying for the will of God. If this is the case and they become aware of that, they ought to confess that to the Lord; but that should never be an excuse to get divorced. It is written ‘what God has joined’, and not ‘whom God has joined’. The “what” refers to the institution of marriage as such. The two persons who are joined through the bond of marriage, cannot ever get rid of that bond. It is a bond that God has put around them both together and which never should be broken. You need to think about that too when you think about marriage.

In case the divorce has taken place, then the commandment is clear as well: to remain unmarried or to be reconciled with each other.

1Cor 7:12-13. “The rest.” Who could that be? From the continuation of this chapter, you can conclude that here it is about mixed marriages. These are marriages of which one of the spouses is converted and the other one is still an unbeliever. Of course it is about someone who repented and believed, when they were already married. It is not about someone who knows the Lord Jesus and is getting married to an unbeliever. That is really in contrast with the Bible (2Cor 6:14). The Lord will never bless that.

You can imagine that in such a heathen city as Corinth, where the gospel was accepted, a separation in many families happened from the unbelieving family members because of faith. How should they have to deal with that? Here Paul speaks as an apostle, without referring to an announcement of the Lord Jesus Himself. Therefore he says: “I say, not the Lord.” That doesn’t mean, of course, that you may ignore what Paul says here. He is still an apostle, who has received authority from God to tell us as believers how we should act in all kinds of situations. In cases of mixed marriages, the one who became a believer should never take actions for divorce.

When you read Ezra 10 and Nehemiah 13, you could get the idea that in case of mixed marriages the unbeliever should be sent away (Ezra 10:1-4; 10-16; Neh 13:23-27). But in those sections it is about marriages between members of God’s earthly people and the Gentiles. Those marriages were legally forbidden by God. In spite of that the Israelites connected themselves with the Gentiles who lived around them. In that way they defiled themselves and made themselves guilty of transgression of the law (Deu 7:1-6). The only way to cleanse themselves from that sin was through confession and by sending away the foreign wives together with the children born of them. That is how God ordained it when His people were living under the law.

1Cor 7:14. In the time we are living, we are not under the law, but under grace. When one of the parents of an unbelieving family becomes a believer, it certainly has an impact on the whole family. The unbelieving husband or wife is sanctified through the believer. Being sanctified has got nothing to do with their relation to God. There is no change in that. For without conversion they remain lost and unsaved. It has to do with their place in this world. Through the connection with the believer, the unbeliever has now a specific place in this world. He or she has come under the direct influence of Christendom.

In former days, that whole family was in the darkness of paganism. But through the conversion of husband or wife, light has entered the family. Since then, whether he or she wants it or not, the unbeliever cannot avoid coming into contact with it every day. Everyone knew it: the influence of the Christian faith is there in that family. Whether he or she liked it or not: from the moment of the conversion of his or her partner, the unbeliever has been connected to someone who doesn’t participate anymore with the pagan way of living. The same applied to their children.

You see how such a blessing enters families through the gospel. Not only for the converted one, but also for his or her housemates.

Now read 1 Corinthians 7:8-14 again.

Reflection: What arguments can you put forward for not starting a relationship with an unbeliever?

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