1Cor 7:10-16 | KingComments | STEP | Three groups of people are brought to your attention here: 1. “The unmarried and … widows” ( ), 2. “the married” ( ) and 3. “the rest” ( ), those are the mixed marriages, of which only the husband or the wife is a believer. Paul addresses each of these three groups. . It is good for the unmarried and for the widows to remain unmarried, even as he himself. In this way you don’t have anything to do with taking care of a well running marriage. The time you would have had to spend for that, you could use for the service of the Lord. . Paul, however, really has an eye for the practice. He is aware of the fact that a person may not be able to afford to remain unmarried because of the desires this person might have. You yourself might be wondering whether the Lord wants you to marry or that He wants you to be alone. I also had that question. In my case, the answer came when someone said: ‘If you wish to have a life partner, you can be sure that the Lord wants you to marry. He has put that desire in you.’ This simple answer was the reason for me to stop wondering whether or not to marry. In my view you don’t have to deal with it frenetically. Then, of course, comes the problem of how to know whom the Lord wants you to marry. For that you ought to continue praying. It might happen that despite your desire for a life partner, you still remain single. That can cause such a big struggle that you even could start to doubt the love of God. I can really understand that, certainly when other people make it pitiable. A chapter like this could be a great encouragement. To God your life has not missed His goal, when a life partner does not appear in your life. Do not let emotions concerning the absence of a partner fill your life, but give all room to Him to fill your life. I do not want to give the impression to simply set this problem aside with some phrases. That would be very cheap. I only want to indicate a direction in which support for this lack can be found. . For the second group, the married, it is said that only death can separate them. Every separation that comes earlier than death, is not permitted. In Malachi 2 it is written that God “hates divorce” ( ). There is no reason to think why husband and wife would want to divorce each other. Yes, you may hear about unendurable situations of continuous fights, yelling, drunkenness or extramarital relationship and adultery. And, humanly speaking, it is understandable that the person that has to suffer all this, initiates divorce proceedings. Nevertheless, the Lord Jesus said – and Paul refers to that when he remarks “not I, but the Lord” –: “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” ( ). This is a clear command: do not divorce! Is there really no exception to divorce someone? No, there is not, although some people find an exception in Matthew 19 which, according to them, gives the asked condition ( ). That is when one of the spouses has committed fornication. People say that the partner who has committed fornication, has actually broken the marital bond by committing fornication, which means by having sexual intercourse with another person ( ). That argument is not applicable, for sexual intercourse outside marriage doesn’t break a legal marriage any the less as a marriage originates by having sexual intercourse outside marriage. In case anyone sees Matthew 19:9 as an exception after all, and thinks that he/she could derive a right from that verse, he/she ought to question him/herself if this right is really to be made use of. If someone can work up the courage (I want to express myself as careful as possible in this matter) to drop this right, it would be a triumph of grace to remain faithful to the marital bond in which both of them are connected and which is indissoluble till death. In some particular cases of divorce, sometimes the excuse is made that in this certain case the marriage was not such that husband and wife were joined by God. Indeed, there are enough cases of people who got married without asking and praying for the will of God. If this is the case and they become aware of that, they ought to confess that to the Lord; but that should never be an excuse to get divorced. It is written ‘ what God has joined’, and not ‘ whom God has joined’. The “what” refers to the institution of marriage as such. The two persons who are joined through the bond of marriage, cannot ever get rid of that bond. It is a bond that God has put around them both together and which never should be broken. You need to think about that too when you think about marriage. In case the divorce has taken place, then the commandment is clear as well: to remain unmarried or to be reconciled with each other. . “The rest.” Who could that be? From the continuation of this chapter, you can conclude that here it is about mixed marriages. These are marriages of which one of the spouses is converted and the other one is still an unbeliever. Of course it is about someone who repented and believed, when they were already married. It is not about someone who knows the Lord Jesus and is getting married to an unbeliever. That is really in contrast with the Bible ( ). The Lord will never bless that. You can imagine that in such a heathen city as Corinth, where the gospel was accepted, a separation in many families happened from the unbelieving family members because of faith. How should they have to deal with that? Here Paul speaks as an apostle, without referring to an announcement of the Lord Jesus Himself. Therefore he says: “I say, not the Lord.” That doesn’t mean, of course, that you may ignore what Paul says here. He is still an apostle, who has received authority from God to tell us as believers how we should act in all kinds of situations. In cases of mixed marriages, the one who became a believer should never take actions for divorce. When you read Ezra 10 and Nehemiah 13, you could get the idea that in case of mixed marriages the unbeliever should be sent away ( ; ). But in those sections it is about marriages between members of God’s earthly people and the Gentiles. Those marriages were legally forbidden by God. In spite of that the Israelites connected themselves with the Gentiles who lived around them. In that way they defiled themselves and made themselves guilty of transgression of the law ( ). The only way to cleanse themselves from that sin was through confession and by sending away the foreign wives together with the children born of them. That is how God ordained it when His people were living under the law. . In the time we are living, we are not under the law, but under grace. When one of the parents of an unbelieving family becomes a believer, it certainly has an impact on the whole family. The unbelieving husband or wife is sanctified through the believer. Being sanctified has got nothing to do with their relation to God. There is no change in that. For without conversion they remain lost and unsaved. It has to do with their place in this world. Through the connection with the believer, the unbeliever has now a specific place in this world. He or she has come under the direct influence of Christendom. In former days, that whole family was in the darkness of paganism. But through the conversion of husband or wife, light has entered the family. Since then, whether he or she wants it or not, the unbeliever cannot avoid coming into contact with it every day. Everyone knew it: the influence of the Christian faith is there in that family. Whether he or she liked it or not: from the moment of the conversion of his or her partner, the unbeliever has been connected to someone who doesn’t participate anymore with the pagan way of living. The same applied to their children. You see how such a blessing enters families through the gospel. Not only for the converted one, but also for his or her housemates. Now read 1 Corinthians 7:8-14 again. Reflection: What arguments can you put forward for not starting a relationship with an unbeliever?

‏ 1 Corinthians 7:10-16

Three Groups

Three groups of people are brought to your attention here:

1. “The unmarried and … widows” (1Cor 7:8),

2. “the married” (1Cor 7:10) and

3. “the rest” (1Cor 7:12), those are the mixed marriages, of which only the husband or the wife is a believer.

Paul addresses each of these three groups.

1Cor 7:8. It is good for the unmarried and for the widows to remain unmarried, even as he himself. In this way you don’t have anything to do with taking care of a well running marriage. The time you would have had to spend for that, you could use for the service of the Lord.

1Cor 7:9. Paul, however, really has an eye for the practice. He is aware of the fact that a person may not be able to afford to remain unmarried because of the desires this person might have. You yourself might be wondering whether the Lord wants you to marry or that He wants you to be alone. I also had that question. In my case, the answer came when someone said: ‘If you wish to have a life partner, you can be sure that the Lord wants you to marry. He has put that desire in you.’ This simple answer was the reason for me to stop wondering whether or not to marry. In my view you don’t have to deal with it frenetically.

Then, of course, comes the problem of how to know whom the Lord wants you to marry. For that you ought to continue praying. It might happen that despite your desire for a life partner, you still remain single. That can cause such a big struggle that you even could start to doubt the love of God. I can really understand that, certainly when other people make it pitiable. A chapter like this could be a great encouragement. To God your life has not missed His goal, when a life partner does not appear in your life. Do not let emotions concerning the absence of a partner fill your life, but give all room to Him to fill your life.

I do not want to give the impression to simply set this problem aside with some phrases. That would be very cheap. I only want to indicate a direction in which support for this lack can be found.

1Cor 7:10-11. For the second group, the married, it is said that only death can separate them. Every separation that comes earlier than death, is not permitted. In Malachi 2 it is written that God “hates divorce” (Mal 2:16). There is no reason to think why husband and wife would want to divorce each other. Yes, you may hear about unendurable situations of continuous fights, yelling, drunkenness or extramarital relationship and adultery. And, humanly speaking, it is understandable that the person that has to suffer all this, initiates divorce proceedings. Nevertheless, the Lord Jesus said – and Paul refers to that when he remarks “not I, but the Lord” –: “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mt 19:6). This is a clear command: do not divorce!

Is there really no exception to divorce someone? No, there is not, although some people find an exception in Matthew 19 which, according to them, gives the asked condition (Mt 19:9). That is when one of the spouses has committed fornication. People say that the partner who has committed fornication, has actually broken the marital bond by committing fornication, which means by having sexual intercourse with another person (1Cor 6:16). That argument is not applicable, for sexual intercourse outside marriage doesn’t break a legal marriage any the less as a marriage originates by having sexual intercourse outside marriage.

In case anyone sees Matthew 19:9 as an exception after all, and thinks that he/she could derive a right from that verse, he/she ought to question him/herself if this right is really to be made use of. If someone can work up the courage (I want to express myself as careful as possible in this matter) to drop this right, it would be a triumph of grace to remain faithful to the marital bond in which both of them are connected and which is indissoluble till death.

In some particular cases of divorce, sometimes the excuse is made that in this certain case the marriage was not such that husband and wife were joined by God. Indeed, there are enough cases of people who got married without asking and praying for the will of God. If this is the case and they become aware of that, they ought to confess that to the Lord; but that should never be an excuse to get divorced. It is written ‘what God has joined’, and not ‘whom God has joined’. The “what” refers to the institution of marriage as such. The two persons who are joined through the bond of marriage, cannot ever get rid of that bond. It is a bond that God has put around them both together and which never should be broken. You need to think about that too when you think about marriage.

In case the divorce has taken place, then the commandment is clear as well: to remain unmarried or to be reconciled with each other.

1Cor 7:12-13. “The rest.” Who could that be? From the continuation of this chapter, you can conclude that here it is about mixed marriages. These are marriages of which one of the spouses is converted and the other one is still an unbeliever. Of course it is about someone who repented and believed, when they were already married. It is not about someone who knows the Lord Jesus and is getting married to an unbeliever. That is really in contrast with the Bible (2Cor 6:14). The Lord will never bless that.

You can imagine that in such a heathen city as Corinth, where the gospel was accepted, a separation in many families happened from the unbelieving family members because of faith. How should they have to deal with that? Here Paul speaks as an apostle, without referring to an announcement of the Lord Jesus Himself. Therefore he says: “I say, not the Lord.” That doesn’t mean, of course, that you may ignore what Paul says here. He is still an apostle, who has received authority from God to tell us as believers how we should act in all kinds of situations. In cases of mixed marriages, the one who became a believer should never take actions for divorce.

When you read Ezra 10 and Nehemiah 13, you could get the idea that in case of mixed marriages the unbeliever should be sent away (Ezra 10:1-4 ; 10-16; Neh 13:23-27). But in those sections it is about marriages between members of God’s earthly people and the Gentiles. Those marriages were legally forbidden by God. In spite of that the Israelites connected themselves with the Gentiles who lived around them. In that way they defiled themselves and made themselves guilty of transgression of the law (Deu 7:1-6). The only way to cleanse themselves from that sin was through confession and by sending away the foreign wives together with the children born of them. That is how God ordained it when His people were living under the law.

1Cor 7:14. In the time we are living, we are not under the law, but under grace. When one of the parents of an unbelieving family becomes a believer, it certainly has an impact on the whole family. The unbelieving husband or wife is sanctified through the believer. Being sanctified has got nothing to do with their relation to God. There is no change in that. For without conversion they remain lost and unsaved. It has to do with their place in this world. Through the connection with the believer, the unbeliever has now a specific place in this world. He or she has come under the direct influence of Christendom.

In former days, that whole family was in the darkness of paganism. But through the conversion of husband or wife, light has entered the family. Since then, whether he or she wants it or not, the unbeliever cannot avoid coming into contact with it every day. Everyone knew it: the influence of the Christian faith is there in that family. Whether he or she liked it or not: from the moment of the conversion of his or her partner, the unbeliever has been connected to someone who doesn’t participate anymore with the pagan way of living. The same applied to their children.

You see how such a blessing enters families through the gospel. Not only for the converted one, but also for his or her housemates.

Now read 1 Corinthians 7:8-14 again.

Reflection: What arguments can you put forward for not starting a relationship with an unbeliever?

God Has Called Us to Peace

1Cor 7:15. When in a marriage one of the partners has become converted, an enormous gap arises at the same time between husband and wife. The believer wants to consider the will of God from that moment, while the unbeliever doesn’t want to. That can trigger tensions in the marriage. Those tensions can run so high that the unbeliever might want to leave. In such cases the believer doesn’t have to strain every nerve to prevent the unbelieving partner from leaving.

In such cases the believer may often think that he/she has failed in his/her testimony. Who can say to have always been a perfect witness? I don’t say that to diminish our responsibility. When mistakes have been made, they ought to be confessed, also when mistakes have been made toward the unbeliever. But when, despite a sincere confession of mistakes, the unbeliever still wants to leave, let him leave. The only thing what is left for the believer, is to pray perseveringly for the unbeliever.

How should the believer go on now? Paul says here that the brother or sister is not under bondage. Could it be that it means that another marriage is possible? In that way the opportunity for reunification would be wiped out, in case the unbeliever still would have been saved. Therefore an addition is written: “But God has called us to peace.” Through the conversion of a family member this peace can be taken away. This is how the Lord Jesus speaks about it when He says that He hasn’t come to bring peace, but to bring division (Lk 12:51-53).

1Cor 7:16. When in a family, one of the family members has accepted the Lord Jesus, division has arisen between the believer and the other unbelieving members. As I already said at the beginning of this section: this may cause tensions in certain cases, which may work out in such a way that in the relationship between husband and wife, the unbeliever may want to leave. Let him/her then leave, for God has called us to peace. The believer doesn’t need to do his/her utmost to keep the other, at the expense of peace. After all, it cannot be said with assurance that he or she will repent.

1Cor 7:17. I think that for everyone who has ended up in such circumstances because of his/her conversion, peace can be found in this 1Cor 7:17. This verse does make it easier for you to fit in with the situation and not to rebel against it. You find two reasons for that. The first reason has to do with the circumstances of your life. Whatever situation you may find yourself in, it doesn’t come as a surprise to God. The moment you accepted the Lord Jesus, He knew the situation in which you would find yourself. What He now would want you to do, is that you show in your surrounding the change that He has worked in your life.

The second reason has to do with you personally. God has called you as you are. What that means is clarified in 1Cor 7:18 and the verses that follow. But the clarification is preceded by something significant: “And so I direct in all the churches.” Everything that Paul has to say here about marriage is not to be applied to everyone’s own pleasure. Neither is it restricted in terms of time. It doesn’t only concern the Corinthians, but it concerns all churches and for all times. It is good to think about that, especially in our time, in which marital morality is going down more and more and in which divorce is accepted as a common thing.

1Cor 7:18-19. But now the question is how someone could be called. In other words: where did someone stand personally and what was his situation at the moment that God called him to accept the gospel? A person could have been circumcised or uncircumcised; he could have been called as a slave or as a free man, that is, not as a slave (1Cor 7:21).

Did it matter to God whether someone was circumcised or uncircumcised? In former days it did, for in those days circumcision was the outer mark of the covenant that God had made with His people. But since the death of the Lord Jesus on the cross, an outer mark has no additional value to God. Therefore the absence of such an outer mark doesn’t make a person lesser to God. The outer aspects have – as a basis of the relation to God – lost their meaning. The outer aspects don’t determine the relation to God anymore.

What matters now is “the keeping of the commandments of God”. The point is the mind of your heart. Your love for God will become apparent from the obedience to what God has said. Then you would like to arrange your whole life according to His will. And when God gives His commandments about outward things as well, you will be willing to satisfy Him as well, out of love for Him.

The ‘circumcised’ and the ‘uncircumcised’ may be applied by us as in the following comparison. The circumcised was someone who outwardly belonged to Israel, God’s earthly people. But if he really wanted to belong to God, he had to repent. In that way you might have been raised in a Christian family, but to really belong to God, you had to repent. Then the calling voice of God came and you repented. In that way you could say you have been called as a circumcised.

The uncircumcised didn’t belong to the people of God in former days. Yet through repentance it was possible for him to belong to God. In that way you might be someone who has not been brought up with the Bible, but when you heard God’s calling voice, you repented and now you also belong to God. In that way you could say you are called as an uncircumcised.

1Cor 7:20. It is not God’s purpose for you to change anything about that. I sometimes hear that it would be a disadvantage if someone is raised in a Christian family because you wouldn’t know so well what the world and sin are. Actually, you should – this is what people therefore say – live in sin for a while and forget about your Christian upbringing. But this is a wrong statement. Paul himself, for example, was a man who had been brought up with utterly religious standards. He hadn’t lived, as it is called ‘in the world’, but when he was converted, he later called himself the ”foremost” of all sinners (1Tim 1:15).

In the same way, the awareness of sin is growing in you too as you make your way with God. Then it is no longer important from which background you have been converted. In your relationship with Him He will show you Who He Himself is and who you are. The point is whether you are willing to keep God’s commandments. Therefore it is not about your origin, but about your attitude, your obedience to God.

Now read 1 Corinthians 7:15-20 again.

Reflection: What are, in your view, the advantages of a Christian upbringing or of an unchristian upbringing? And what are the disadvantages?