2Sa 13:14-16 | KingComments | STEP | When Tamar brings the food to him, the lust breaks loose. His lust prevails so much that he grabs her instead of the food. He first tries to get her to lie in bed with him of her own accord. Tamar wants to bring him to other thoughts. First she points out to him that such an act should be unheard of in Israel. Then she tells him what a shame he would bring upon her. Then she shows him what the consequences of his deed will be for himself. Finally, she offers another solution to be connected to each other and that is that he asks the king if he can have her. It is all in vain. “However, he would not listen to her; since he was stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her” ( ).

‏ 2 Samuel 13:14-16

Amnon Violates Tamar

When Tamar brings the food to him, the lust breaks loose. His lust prevails so much that he grabs her instead of the food. He first tries to get her to lie in bed with him of her own accord. Tamar wants to bring him to other thoughts. First she points out to him that such an act should be unheard of in Israel. Then she tells him what a shame he would bring upon her. Then she shows him what the consequences of his deed will be for himself. Finally, she offers another solution to be connected to each other and that is that he asks the king if he can have her. It is all in vain. “However, he would not listen to her; since he was stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her” (2Sam 13:14).

Amnon Sends Tamar Away

Amnon has what he wanted. Is he satisfied now? It is appalling to read: “Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her: “Get up, go away!” (2Sam 13:15). From this history we learn two things. Firstly, we see how enormous the power of sexual lust is. It is an untamable power if you have not learned to control yourself through the power of the Holy Spirit. Part of the fruit of the Spirit is “self-control” (Gal 5:22-23). The power of sexuality is irresistible if we do not submit to the rules God has given us in His Word. Secondly, we see that Amnon’s ‘love’ turns into hatred after he has given way to his lust.

These two lessons are repeated daily in the lives of (young) people who do as Amnon. They use sex as a loose commodity. Often men who have seduced girls have later become averse to them. In that intercourse, however, there is often cooperation from those girls, which was not the case with Tamar.

If Amnon had been a guy with any decency, he would have taken Tamar as his wife. Although illicit sexual intercourse is certainly not equivalent to rape, there is another important lesson to be learned from the history of Amnon and Tamar. That lesson is that illicit sexual intercourse is not a sin that someone can just easily and fast confess, after which everything returns to normal.

In a very intimate way someone has made himself one with someone else. Not that there always has to be a marriage as a consequence. Being one body – that is the case with sex outside marriage – is not the same as being one flesh, for that is only said of sexual intercourse between a man and a woman who have first married each other (1Cor 6:16). To conclude, however, that being one body never has obligations, goes too far. Every case is different and there must be confession and openness to the Lord and to one another to make a good decision.

One deed as a result of rampant lust causes a sea of misery. Tamar is dishonored, the family is disgraced, hatred prevails and some time later murder also results. It is a sad repetition of what the father of Amnon, King David, did himself. He was also guided by his lust when he saw Bathsheba washing herself (2Sam 11:2). He had let her come to him and had intercourse with her, although she was married. When he receives the message that she is pregnant, he tries to cover up his act by devious means. It all fails. There’s one thing left for him and that’s to let Uriah, the husband of Bathsheba die in battle. That comes down to murder: King David becomes a murderer.

How much misery has already arisen from illicit intercourse, whether it took place before marriage or outside marriage. It is to be hoped that we will be warned by such clear biblical examples (Pro 6:32-35 ; Pro 7:1-27).

There is another verse in Scripture that leaves no doubt as to what God thinks about pre-marital intercourse and non-marital intercourse: “Marriage [is to be held] in honor among all, and the [marriage] bed [is to be] undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Heb 13:4). Marriage is something that must be held in high esteem and valued as an institution of God. There must be respect for it. We can only show this respect by taking it into account and maintaining marriage as such. There is no exception for anyone, it should be honored “among all”.

When a marriage bed is defiled, it means adultery, illicit intercourse by someone who has intercourse with a partner other than his or her own. Adultery is fornication committed by married people, but fornication includes more than adultery. Fornication is often the collective name for all forms of lewdness that unmarried persons can commit by having sexual intercourse with someone regardless of the marriage relationship.

With Amnon, after his horrible deed, his so-called love for Tamar immediately changes into hatred (cf. Eze 23:17). Here we see the meaning of the word love when in fact it means only self-love. Love must grow in the happy atmosphere and protecting bond of marriage. After sexual intercourse before marriage, there is often a certain degree of disgust. The blame is also often shifted to the other party. Only with sincere confession and deep repentance can there be restoration.

Amnon knows no love. As soon as he has satisfied his lusts, he disgusts her. That must be because he passes the disgust of his deed on to Tamar. This humiliation goes even further than physical humiliation and disgrace. Here, the soul is hurt to the deepest degree.

Amnon is totally insensitive to what he has done to her. He sends her away like a dog. Tamar expresses the deep dishonor that is done to her by putting ashes on her head, as a sign of mourning. “Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her long-sleeved garment which [was] on her; and she put her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.” She also tears the beautiful garment of her virginity (long-sleeved garment is literally varicolored tunic). With her hand on her head, possibly as a symbol of the misery that has come upon her (cf. Jer 2:37), she goes away, crying aloud.