Eph 6:2-3 | KingComments | STEP | . After he highlighted the relationship between husband and wife, Paul now draws attention to the relationship between parents and children. Also in this relationship we can realize a heavenly truth. In order to really enjoy the Christian blessings, we are to behave ourselves in this relationship as Paul indicates here. Also now the apostle addresses those first who have a position of subjection, the children. That they are addressed directly indicates how important they are. They are not just supplementary. No, they may contribute so that the new man becomes visible here, namely, when they are obedient. We live in a world that is permeated by a spirit of rebellion and selfishness. That spirit doesn’t stop at the front door of the Christian families. After all, “disobedient to parents” is a sign of “the last days” ( ). The number of juveniles that have gotten off the track is increasing. Why? One reason is that the number of normal families is decreasing. Another reason is that parents do not consider that the relationship ‘child-parents’ is created by God. Parents do make mistakes, but children are to obey their parents. An upbringing without maintaining authority is against the will of God. By teaching their children to be obedient, parents are doing a great favor to them. Children, who have not learnt to obey, also have difficulties to repent and to turn to God. The fact that parents are not perfect, doesn’t give the child the right to disobey. Therefore the motive “in the Lord” is added. A child doesn’t obey because his parents do not make mistakes or does only obey when he understands what is asked, but he obeys because it is an order from the Lord. There is not a single reason for a child to disobey, whether it is converted or not. This order goes for every child. Believing children should also obey unbelieving parents. This conduct, this behavior is right for God. . By quoting the fifth commandment of the law, the apostle emphasizes the significance of obedience. He doesn’t quote this commandment because we would still be under the law. Precisely this letter hasn’t any connection with the law, which determines regulations concerning life on earth. This letter puts us specifically in heaven and from there our life is directed. But that doesn’t lead us to act against the law. Through this commandment Paul shows that some particular principles of the law are also valid under grace. In the commandment obeying is not mentioned, but it is about honoring. ‘Honoring’ is giving the place to someone he deserves and that also includes obeying. Honoring goes further than obeying. When children have reached a certain age and live independently or are married, to obey is out of order. But honoring remains as a commandment. This is a special commandment, because to this fifth command no penalty is connected, but a promise. This makes clear that God attaches great value to honoring father and mother. . How God values obedience to this commandment, appears from the contents of the promise. From that promise it also becomes apparent that the commandment has not been quoted because we would still be under the law. After all, the promise is not for us. God is promising this to an earthly people, with which He is connected through the law. We have a totally different position. In contrast with Israel, a people that get blessings on the earth in case of obedience, we are blessed with all blessings in the heavenly places. The blessing of the Lord has nothing to do with earthly success. A poor, sick believer is not necessarily unfaithful and a rich healthy believer not necessarily faithful. . After the commandment for the children and the blessing connected to it, follows a word addressed to “fathers”. Their task is to bring them up. That doesn’t mean that mothers have nothing to do with that. In practice it is often them who have everything to do with it, far more that the fathers (cf. ). The fathers, however, carry the main responsibility for the upbringing. They determine – when they are wise, in agreement and good cooperation with their wife – the standards for the upbringing. Yet, here it is not that much about the determination of the standards, but more about dealing with them in practice. The weakness of the father is being exposed, as the warning “do not provoke your children to anger”, surely doesn’t come out of nowhere. A father can actually be very ardent at maintaining the authority that is given to him by God. If a child doesn’t do exactly as he says, or otherwise does not respond to his desires, the father may react unreasonably or adopt an immature attitude. That can be by words and by deeds. He can humiliate the child with words, giving the child the feeling he is useless, doesn’t ever do anything right and that he will fail in life. If a child is mistreated that way he can be provoked to anger. He can revolt or, as said in Colossians 3, “will … lose heart” ( ). In order to be a good father, that is a father who is like the heavenly Father, a father should walk and act in accordance with the teachings of this letter. When he doesn’t do that, the children will revolt. When this causes a wedge in the relationship between a father and a child, restoration is only possible when there is a change in the heart of the father ( ). What then is the right way? He must “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”. Discipline implies a certain chastisement, which must be in accordance with the degree of the trespass. He who uses the “rod” in the process, is following a direction from Scripture, so from God Himself ( ). The Bible is the book of pedagogy par excellence. It is foolish to think that the only way to let a child obey is by speaking to him, so using only words. It is important to emphasize that corporal punishment is an educational means commanded by God. That goes against the prevailing views of education, as more and more views are being adjusted in the direction of the mind of present-day people. Just think of the same-sex marriage, abortion and euthanasia, and now criminalizing spanking children. Since man today is disconnected from everything that has to do with God and His Word, this should not surprise us. Fathers, go back to the Word! Beside discipline there should also be ‘instruction’. Discipline implies more an action to correct the child, instruction happens especially verbally. These two need to be maintained in the upbringing. Eli, the father of Hophni and Phinehas, is a telling and tragic example of a father who indeed instructed, but did not discipline ( ). Most important is that discipline and instruction happen in the sphere of the love of the Lord. They must be practiced in the way God does with His children. He does everything in love and for blessing. It is clear that ‘provoking’ does not belong to the sphere of love. Obedience outside the sphere of love is also to be seen when the wind and the sea are obeying the Lord. That is an enforced obedience that can also be seen with demons. Here discipline and instruction take place in the sphere of love. Children in a Christian family are to be brought up according to the standards of God’s Word. They are sanctified in their parents ( ). In such families they have a special place ever since they were born. They are there where the Holy Spirit is working through the parents and where they hear the Word of God every day. The education they receive also ought to be in the discipline and instruction “of the Lord” and not according to their own understanding or led by their moods. Now read Ephesians 6:1-4 again. Reflection: Why is it right to honor your parents?

‏ Ephesians 6:2-3

Children and Parents

Eph 6:1. After he highlighted the relationship between husband and wife, Paul now draws attention to the relationship between parents and children. Also in this relationship we can realize a heavenly truth. In order to really enjoy the Christian blessings, we are to behave ourselves in this relationship as Paul indicates here.

Also now the apostle addresses those first who have a position of subjection, the children. That they are addressed directly indicates how important they are. They are not just supplementary. No, they may contribute so that the new man becomes visible here, namely, when they are obedient.

We live in a world that is permeated by a spirit of rebellion and selfishness. That spirit doesn’t stop at the front door of the Christian families. After all, “disobedient to parents” is a sign of “the last days” (2Tim 3:1-2). The number of juveniles that have gotten off the track is increasing. Why? One reason is that the number of normal families is decreasing. Another reason is that parents do not consider that the relationship ‘child-parents’ is created by God.

Parents do make mistakes, but children are to obey their parents. An upbringing without maintaining authority is against the will of God. By teaching their children to be obedient, parents are doing a great favor to them. Children, who have not learnt to obey, also have difficulties to repent and to turn to God.

The fact that parents are not perfect, doesn’t give the child the right to disobey. Therefore the motive “in the Lord” is added. A child doesn’t obey because his parents do not make mistakes or does only obey when he understands what is asked, but he obeys because it is an order from the Lord.

There is not a single reason for a child to disobey, whether it is converted or not. This order goes for every child. Believing children should also obey unbelieving parents. This conduct, this behavior is right for God.

Eph 6:2. By quoting the fifth commandment of the law, the apostle emphasizes the significance of obedience. He doesn’t quote this commandment because we would still be under the law. Precisely this letter hasn’t any connection with the law, which determines regulations concerning life on earth. This letter puts us specifically in heaven and from there our life is directed. But that doesn’t lead us to act against the law. Through this commandment Paul shows that some particular principles of the law are also valid under grace.

In the commandment obeying is not mentioned, but it is about honoring. ‘Honoring’ is giving the place to someone he deserves and that also includes obeying. Honoring goes further than obeying. When children have reached a certain age and live independently or are married, to obey is out of order. But honoring remains as a commandment.

This is a special commandment, because to this fifth command no penalty is connected, but a promise. This makes clear that God attaches great value to honoring father and mother.

Eph 6:3. How God values obedience to this commandment, appears from the contents of the promise. From that promise it also becomes apparent that the commandment has not been quoted because we would still be under the law. After all, the promise is not for us. God is promising this to an earthly people, with which He is connected through the law. We have a totally different position. In contrast with Israel, a people that get blessings on the earth in case of obedience, we are blessed with all blessings in the heavenly places. The blessing of the Lord has nothing to do with earthly success. A poor, sick believer is not necessarily unfaithful and a rich healthy believer not necessarily faithful.

Eph 6:4. After the commandment for the children and the blessing connected to it, follows a word addressed to “fathers”. Their task is to bring them up. That doesn’t mean that mothers have nothing to do with that. In practice it is often them who have everything to do with it, far more that the fathers (cf. 1Tim 5:10). The fathers, however, carry the main responsibility for the upbringing. They determine – when they are wise, in agreement and good cooperation with their wife – the standards for the upbringing. Yet, here it is not that much about the determination of the standards, but more about dealing with them in practice.

The weakness of the father is being exposed, as the warning “do not provoke your children to anger”, surely doesn’t come out of nowhere. A father can actually be very ardent at maintaining the authority that is given to him by God. If a child doesn’t do exactly as he says, or otherwise does not respond to his desires, the father may react unreasonably or adopt an immature attitude. That can be by words and by deeds. He can humiliate the child with words, giving the child the feeling he is useless, doesn’t ever do anything right and that he will fail in life. If a child is mistreated that way he can be provoked to anger. He can revolt or, as said in Colossians 3, “will … lose heart” (Col 3:21).

In order to be a good father, that is a father who is like the heavenly Father, a father should walk and act in accordance with the teachings of this letter. When he doesn’t do that, the children will revolt. When this causes a wedge in the relationship between a father and a child, restoration is only possible when there is a change in the heart of the father (Mal 4:6).

What then is the right way? He must “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”. Discipline implies a certain chastisement, which must be in accordance with the degree of the trespass. He who uses the “rod” in the process, is following a direction from Scripture, so from God Himself (Pro 13:24 ; Pro 23:13 ; Pro 29:15).

The Bible is the book of pedagogy par excellence. It is foolish to think that the only way to let a child obey is by speaking to him, so using only words. It is important to emphasize that corporal punishment is an educational means commanded by God. That goes against the prevailing views of education, as more and more views are being adjusted in the direction of the mind of present-day people. Just think of the same-sex marriage, abortion and euthanasia, and now criminalizing spanking children. Since man today is disconnected from everything that has to do with God and His Word, this should not surprise us. Fathers, go back to the Word!

Beside discipline there should also be ‘instruction’. Discipline implies more an action to correct the child, instruction happens especially verbally. These two need to be maintained in the upbringing. Eli, the father of Hophni and Phinehas, is a telling and tragic example of a father who indeed instructed, but did not discipline (1Sam 2:22-24). Most important is that discipline and instruction happen in the sphere of the love of the Lord. They must be practiced in the way God does with His children. He does everything in love and for blessing.

It is clear that ‘provoking’ does not belong to the sphere of love. Obedience outside the sphere of love is also to be seen when the wind and the sea are obeying the Lord. That is an enforced obedience that can also be seen with demons.

Here discipline and instruction take place in the sphere of love. Children in a Christian family are to be brought up according to the standards of God’s Word. They are sanctified in their parents (1Cor 7:14). In such families they have a special place ever since they were born. They are there where the Holy Spirit is working through the parents and where they hear the Word of God every day. The education they receive also ought to be in the discipline and instruction “of the Lord” and not according to their own understanding or led by their moods.

Now read Ephesians 6:1-4 again.

Reflection: Why is it right to honor your parents?